Nonviolent Communication - by Marshall Rosenberg #

Not sure how this book can be applied on a practical basis. Interesting portion on self-compassion.

Components of NVC

observations - separate observation from evaluation
feelings - separate feelings from thoughts, judgements
needs - sense the feelings and needs in self and others.
requests - through positive action language, state what we are requesting, rather that what we are not.
- ask for a reflection to check if the message was received correctly.
- look out that they comply willingly. Else, it is a demand.

Feel and listen to what others are experiencing, without giving advice or reassurance. Listen for the four components with reflecting, paraphrasing.

We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when (1) we sense a release of tension, or (2) the flow of words comes to a halt.

Avoid shoulding yourself!

Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Connect with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated by past actions we now regret.

Be conscious of actions motivated by the desire for money or approval, and by fear, shame, or guilt. Move towards satisfying a sense of duty

Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong.

The cause of anger lies in our thinking—in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Use anger as a wake-up call.

Steps to expressing anger:

Offer Empathy First

Avoid the use of language that implies wrongness.

Intellectual analysis is often received as criticism.

Criticism and diagnosis get in the way of peaceful resolution of conflicts.

Question 1: What do I want this person to do?

Question 2: What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing it?

Express appreciation to celebrate, not to manipulate.