Counselling for Toads

Counselling for Toads - by Robert De Board #

Date Read: 2023-11-03 #

Notes #

Ego states

Parent, Adult, Child

Critical Parent

  • judgemental
  • authoritarian
  • angry
  • severe

Nurturing Parent

  • reassuring
  • caring
  • encouraging
  • supportive
  • understanding


  • non judgemental
  • open minded
  • interested
  • confident
  • reality based

Rebellious Child

  • defiant
  • complaining

Adapted Child

  • compliant
  • passive

Free Child

  • curious
  • energetic
  • fun loving
  • spontaneous

Adult state when you can learn something of yourself, when you are not driven by the voices of your parents and not swamped by the feelings of your childhood.

Four life positions

I’m OK; You’re OK

  • Healthy position - we’re making progress

I’m not OK; You’re OK

  • The one-down position - I wish I could do that as well as you

I’m OK; You’re not OK

  • The one-up position - You’re not doing that right, let me show you
  • NIGYYSOB (Now I Got You YSOB)
  • “Why do you always let me down”

I’m not OK; You’re not OK

  • The hopeless position - This is terrible, we’ll never make it

Emotional Intelligence - go beyond being independent to being interdependent - maturity and self-acceptance, together with an acceptance of others in spite of their differences.